One of my teacher's teachers called these "moments that make us dance". These are moment during zazen where we have some experience that feels profound, enlightening, or otherwise special. It might be a vision, a feeling of bliss, a sense of unity with the universe, or some other extraordinary experience.
Makyō (魔境) literally means "devil's realm" or "demon's realm", and refers to these hallucinations or visions that can occur during zazen. In Zen practice, makyō is often seen as a distraction or obstacle to true enlightenment, but I think it kicks ass.
Mean old Zen teachers usually dismiss these experiences as "makyō", or illusions, and warn students not to get attached to them. There is a lot of wisdom in that. Getting attached to these kinds of things, while maybe pleasant, can lead us away from the point of Zen practice, which is to cultivate an understanding of the nature of reality and our place in it.
You don't even have to have been practicing very long to experience really interesting "moments that make us dance". I had only been sitting for a couple of months when I had my first "dance" experience. I thought something important had happenend, that I had broken through some new level of understanding. Holly shit, am I enlightened?
This of course was completely unhelpful. I grasped on tight to that feeling of accomplishment. And agonized as the feeling slipped away over the next couple of days. Then I was right back where I started, on my zafu thinking with my legs crossed.
Recently, I went, for the second time, on a week-long silent retreat with Bright Way Zen.
My first retreat was unpleasant. I was uncomfortable the whole time, I had no insights, I missed home, missed my kids, missed my wife, felt guilty about missing work, and was generally frustrated the whole time. I know it sounds weird, but please don't let this dissuade you from retreat. I've talked to many people about their first experiences with sesshin and almost every single one of them regards their first time as something deeply moving and insightful. I think I'm just a weirdo.
This second retreat was different. If I'm honest I think a big part of it was that my family had my back. Before, I was new to Zen and it was still this weird thing that dad did on the side. This time, my wife and kids were totally supportive and encouraging simply because it wasn't weird anymore. I know, practice shouldn't depend on circumstances, but it does.
I enjoyed the retreat. Almost the entire time I felt comfortable, at ease, and happy to be there. The traditional "bump" of the first day or two was relatively easy, work periods, meeting with the teacher, meal and kitchen duties, and long periods of sitting all felt rhythmic (for lack of a better word). I shikantaza'd the shit out of that retreat.
Towards the end, I got hit by it. A feeling of insight and understanding that was profoundly moving. I felt like I was seeing the world in a new way. Colors were brighter, sounds were clearer, and everything felt more alive. I felt a deep sense of connection to everything around me, and a sense of peace and contentment that I had never experienced before. All those Zen books and talks clicked into place.
But most importantly, I recognized it for what it was. Makyō. Nothing more, nothing less. Oh, I "danced" but I didn't cling. I didn't even want the feeling to last, because I knew, while very pleasant, it wasn't real.
But I also don't want to dismiss it. It was a beautiful experience, and I'm grateful to have had it. It reminded me of the beauty of the world around me, and the potential for joy and connection that exists in every moment. It was a reminder that even though these experiences may be fleeting and illusory, they can still be deeply meaningful and transformative.
Falsely enlightened? Hell yeah. Makyō kicks ass.